Post by seastape on Dec 19, 2016 9:11:15 GMT -8
This is the version I saved:
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REPO SANTA
November 22nd, 2000.
Anthony Martinez takes delivery of a 1995 Honda Accord from me. Anthony is a 24 year old construction worker who is highly undereducated. Anthony was a first time buyer, and the bank required him to provide the bank proof of income, proof of residence, and the names, addresses, and phone numbers of 5 people that he knew.
I informed Anthony of these requirements, and he brought me a paycheck stub over 3 months old. His proof of residence was a letter addresses to “Occupant” at his address. He provided 6 names and phone numbers including his 4 year old daughter! I explained to him that it wasn’t exactly what I had told him to bring. He explained that it was what he could find laying around.
The next day, I take the $8000 contract to the bank. Normally, I drop the contract off, go have lunch, and when I return, the check is ready.
Not this time.
The paycheck stub is wrong, the proof of residence is wrong, the references are wrong.
I have to get the right stuff before the bank will pay me.
I call Anthony’s house, and mom answers.
“I need to speak to Anthony”
“He is on a construction job in Monroe. He won’t be home until next Saturday”
“Can’t you reach him?!?!?”
“Nope”
“I call his work, which turns out to be a construction company run off of a guy’s kitchen table. I get the wife on the phone. Kids crying and fighting in the background. She says she has no way to reach anybody.
Hmm. So I wait a week, and call Anthony again. I left so many messages over the next weekend, the message machine filled up!
I call the work, the wife is starting to get mad at me. The parents are furious with me.
‘What does the bank need that info for? Its none of their business!’
“Oh yes it is.”
3 weeks goes by. The wife of construction guy hands up when she hears my voice. Mom and Dad MF every time I call.
December 22nd. My banker calls me, and tells me that they are closing the 24th and 25th. If Anthony doesn’t get those documents to them by the close of business on the 23rd, the loan is off.
Keep in mind, I have $2000 of Anthony’s money, and his $1000 trade in with a title.
He has MY car, and the bank has a contract worth $8000 of MY money!
I call the house one more time, and Anthony answers the phone!
Praise be.
He gives me a ration for calling everybody, I explain that I want my $8000 and the only way for me to get it is for him to provide me the documents I need to cash the contract.
I tell him to just fax them over, but he says he will be in Tacoma the next day, and he will drop them off himself. I explain that if he doesn’t, he doesn’t have a car loan.
Next day at 5, my banker calls me and says Anthony didn’t show, and the loan approval is null and void.
My next phone call is to Stevie Rey. Stevie Rey is my repo man, and that is a complete story in itself. Stevie was a physics prof at U of W, and evidently flipped out one day and quit to start a repo company! Stevie could sit down with you and explain the Theory of Relativity in terms a layman could understand, but he probably couldn’t find his ass with both hands on a bet.
“Stevie, I need you to pick up a car, but I don’t know what to tell you. This kid hasn’t been around for a month and I don’t know when he will be home”
‘I know when he’ll be home”
“How? Are you Kreskin or something?’
‘EVERYBODY is home on Christmas”
“Oh man Stevie. I HATE for you to repo a car on Christmas, but if that is the only time you can get it, go ahead. But wear a Santa suit and bring me a picture of you repoing the car wearing it, and I will pay you an extra $20’ (I THOUGHT he realized I was kidding”
I pull into work the day after Christmas, and there is a cop car in my parking lot. I walk inside, and there is Anthony and his dad sitting on the couch looking very pissed. There is a bog ol Auburn police sergeant standing over them, and my 65 year old salesman over in the corner shaking with fear.
Evidently Anthony and his dad came in breathing fire and started threatening him, and he called the cops.
The policeman told me that they wanted to talk to me, and did he need to hang around while they did. I said no, I had been down this road before, and there was no need.
I brought them into my office and started the canned speech I gave very person who I had to repo.
I hated to repo your car. Nobody wins. You don’t get to buy a car, I don’t get to sell one, they bank doesn’t get to make a loan, and.. Off the chair and 2 inches from my nose comes Anthony, ‘WHAT KIND OG MOTHERF@CKER WOULD SEND SOMEONE TO MY HOUSE ON CHRISTAMAS DAY DRESSED LIKE SANTA CLAUS TO REPO MY CAR?!?!?!?
My jaw hit’s the floor. I am thinking “Stevie Rey, I am going to kill you!”
I manage to make it through that exchange, and then I try to put the deal back together.
“Anthony, if you have those documents, I may be able to get your car back to you”
‘I WOULDN’T BUY A CAR HERE IF IT WAS THE LAST PLACE ON EARTH!”
Obviously, Anthony is upset!
I start talking to him again., and here he comes over the desk again.
‘MY DAUGHTER WAS OPENING UP HER PRESENTS, AND SHE LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW AND SAID “DADDY! SANTA CLAUS IS TAKING OUR CAR!”
Intuitively, I knew that if I started laughing, that this kid, all 5’6” and 135 pounds of him, was going to kill me.
I was literally gripping the edge of the desk so hard my fingers went numb. I was doing my very best to deep breathe because every fiber of my being was screaming to laugh out loud at the visual I was getting in my head.
Anthony was now so freakin’ mad that his dad has his arms around his waist and was holding him back from coming over the desk. I was sitting there semi-stunned still trying to recover from what I perceived as me ruining this 4 year old girls present and future Christmases. I am sure she was scarred for life.
The went out the front door calling me every name in the book ans some that not even I had heard before.
Half hour later, a tow truck pulls into the lot. I go outside and there is Stevie with the Honda in tow.
Are you out of your ever lovin’ mind?” I asked him
His reply was to pull out a Polaroid of him in yes, a Santa suit, hooking a chain to the Honda, and waving.
I paid him the extra $20.
I will spare you the phone call I got from the DMV investigator on Monday, but suffice it to say, he wasn’t going to issue a cease and desist order that Anthony demanded for “unethical business practices”
Flash forward to February 11th, 2001. I have a similar situation with a woman and a van in Gig Harbor. I call Stevie and tell him to go pick it up. Steveie asks me ‘Can this wait until Monday?”
“Stevie, I don’t think so. I think she is getting ready to bolt this weekend. Why, got a hot date or something?”
“Nope, just got a new Abe Lincoln outfit I have been dying to wear”
It dawned on me right them that Monday was President’s Day.
I told Stevie exactly where he could put the Abe Lincoln outfit.
