What's it going to take?

mbabeav - you can hate on the Ducks all you want....But to say that you are "Never going to admit that I'm impressed by any schmuck team" is pretty much the same as saying you don't know anything about Women's basketball.

Boy, you sure missed the irony - heavily laden, dripping, flowing, cascading down from the mug as the beer tap is left open full pour of irony in my statement.  I watched the uck-furd game and it was horrifically fun to watch the TREE get chopped down into tiny splinters by the team that we get to play next.  But I do want to point out that in general, ucks are (Thank you to all who have contributed to this list):

(Ahhh, ain't heated rivalries wunnerful)

…ugly, slimy, putrid, deplorable, sick, sanctimonious, sanctioned, good-for-nothing, lazy, dreadful, excessive, unpleasant, fairy-winged, disagreeable, worthless, foul smelling, morally bankrupt, extremely objectionable, vile, incorrigible, abominable, violently nauseating, mentally ill, steatopygous, disturbed, morbid, inhibited, unwholesome, culturally ailing, devious, 3rd quarter leaving, fastuous, disgusting, cheating, revolting, ineradicable, underhanded, incapable of being corrected, syphilitic, tottering, hopeless, indomitable, corpulent, manic, satanic, egocentric, jementous, unethical, unknowing, unwilling, meddling, slovenly, mean, toothless, loathed, unsuccessful, depraved, retched, ignoble, tongueless, loathsome, barbarous, deprived, hapless, vinyl, dismal, contemptible, hircine, despicable, deplorable, erroneous, unsophisticated, excerebrose, wicked, ass-like, unintended, inappropriate, poisonous, sexually confused, inoperative, clown-looking, hircismus, crack smoking, amiss, investigated, kooky, child-like, crooked, awkward, buncombe generating, sterile, perfidious, disheveled, lackadaisical, badly twerking, untrustworthy, sucking, unsportsman-like, noncommittal, gross, crazy, infantile, inept, foolish, disheveled, immature, unbearable, ruttish, finicky, uncool, Paris Hilton like, not graceful, visor wearing, filled, dismal, vain, inexcusably dumb, false, mutilated, stifling, uncaring, spouting, bungling, idiotic, appalling, fanatic, artless, perfidious, ignorant, smelly, horned, amoral, dismayed, cold, demented, condemned, bubble-headed, fallible, infamous, grim, infectious, diseased, unBeaver-like, genderless, wannabes, incessant, infernal, misbegotten, infested, dogmatic, infuriating, bdolotic, detestable, entheomaniacal, pig-like, lowly, excreta-looking, undeveloped, masturbating, inhuman, excrement, Phil-loving, inhumane, interception prone, overweening, defenestrated, zeroes, pot-bellied, dirty, mangled, bitch slapping, plucked, shifty, limp, cullionly, unheard of, calumnious, capric, half-assed, inharmonious, carminative, anti-American, bawdy, spoiled, unjust, incapable, acedian, wingless, schmucks, rank, unproductive, inordinate, achilous, decapitated, unruly, spleeny, herpes infected, insouciant, pestilent, eproctolagniac, untruthful, homely, mammering, field goal missing, slubberdegullion, unutterable, puking, profoundly stupid, censorious, hate mongering, smirking, innocuous, dastardly, slug eating, puerile, unexceptional, not nice, rampallian, burn victim looking, humiliated, garbage-like, dumpy, unliked, obscene, dung-like, ninnyhammering, craven, nondescript, coprophilia loving, interminable, Blount-like, deceitful, tarnished, yellow, barmpot, insane, hypocritical, qualling, unaware, landfill playing, insectivorous, amentia, lumpish, surly, intolerable, gravy-sucking, bigoted, differently challenged, insipid, double-talking, deficient, fusty, insulting, yellow bellied, guilty, incense-burning, oprahs, limited, clouted, nonsensical, blennoid-liike, rioting, geek-like, lacking, over-hyped, braggadocious, fumbling, mentally challenged, double-dealing, reptilian, nard-like, insidious, pribbling, bescumbering, unprofessional, dissembling, cantankerous, cacafuego, malicious, moronic, debunked, egg laying, fundamentalist, unprintable, corrupt, feckless, abiotrophied, impotent, nerd-like, idolatrous, wayward, inert, unimportant, warped, puny, smoked, unwieldy, flaky, child labor promoting, poxy, accursed, uninviting, soulless, waterlogged, nancys, without frontal lobes, bottom feeding, chippy, grotesque, spineless, gorbellied, irrelevant, promiscuous, twits, unkempt, dickless, archaic, woeful, disgusting, frorward, looting, untalented, mind-numbing, irregular, whacked, inchoate, pitiful, deformed, rancorous, bandwagoners, irresponsible, mute, ungainly, duck-like, tardy, cooked, Taliban-loving, wart-necked, nose-running, slobbering, displeasing to the eye, bombosity-like, currish, mouth-breeding, evasive, potential-less, deceptive, reeky, disgruntled, sexually unsuitable, fobbing, unthinkable, nonpareil, crying, unsightly, paunchy, divvy, unpopular, wrinkled, ucks, hairless, cowardly, green, beslubbering, overbearing, unwanted, revisionist, Birkenstock-wearing, daspygal, buffalo chip sniffing, impetuous, gleeking, Phil Knight ass kissing, splenetic, uphill gardening, dick heads, Chippy-less, long-winded, dilapidated, pompous, blithering, mendacious, belligerent, inadequate, dismayed, errant, coccydynia, floating chickens, puke-like, churless, destitute, intellectually stagnant, gormless, blundering, unusable, bought, greedy, inconsistent, greasy, technologically inept, dong-holding, pit smelling, lascivious, shameless, yeasty, odiferous, nonchalant, autistic, defenestrated, pit-looking, abnormal, bums, anemic, slanderous, meaningless, deep fried, immoral, feathered, balatronistic, disturbed, dull, spongy, obstreperous, duplicitous, crass, tasteless, bugly, obnoxious, slow, obtuse, two-faced, dichoretic, politically incorrect, national champion wannabes, overrated, mewling, two-faced, Nike worshipping, dense, dishonest, elephant-like, abapical, blubber-filled, oblivious, anal retentive, vulgar, withered, impertinent, unorganized, dim-witted, fashion challenged, festering, steatorrhea, warped, offensive, whining, cervicalgia, villainous, wimpy, off-beat, out-of-tune, infested, dankish, paranoid, plagiarizing, humorless, hideous, droning, gullible, vengeful, limp-wristed, dreadful, double-jointed, hair-brained, dastardly, whorish, plodding, incurable, hop-headed, rectum-like, wiener looking, cockered, ungodly, unskilled, unattractive, simple, highly vulnerable, unprincipled detached, conniving, s%#tty, gutless, inferior, second-class, light-weight, boring, cheap, sons-of-bitches, uneducated, Civil War losing assholes!









And they suck!

Face it.  We're not going to beat the Ducks.  Any team that can beat Stanford at Stanford by 40 points is not going to lose on their own home court.  But let's take a step back, okay?  What is our real goal here?  Our real goal is to disappoint the ducks and the duck fans.  That's what counts to a Beaver.  Given that, there IS a formula for success:

   1) Take a bus the day of the game, leaving Corvallis just 4 hours before game time.
   2) Arrange it so the bus gets a flat tire in Junction City.
   3) The players sit on the bus while the flat is fixed.
   4) Spray some foul-smelling but harmless gas into the bus.
   5) Claim that the players were overcome by carbon monoxide and are unable to play.
   6) Return home.

And voila!  All those Duck fans arrive at the PAP smear arena expecting a game after making a long and arduous trek through hazardous weather and road conditions, but then receive the ultimate disappointment.  They can't destroy, and I mean DESTROY, the hapless but virtuous Beavers.

I have considered this carefully, and this is the best course of action.  I just hope Rueck reads this message and sees the light that thickhead has shone on this predicament.